A past friend who has served along side with me asked me a question which I think many people would want to know...
"Why aren't you in this church anymore?"
A tsunami of memories wash by that sense of me within.
Yes, a tsunami that doesn't seemed to leave anything nice.
A long time must have passed, longer than anyone would think to answer a seemingly simple question. Just a one-sentence question.
Suddenly I was reminded of that quake, a decision that made me thought I would leave some things so precious to me. Yet I have forgotten, that mere quake was merely a harbinger of every towering cleansing water that would flush the land.
I would have left, and things would still be pretty much be left in peace, but the worse was yet to come... Those things were cruelly destroyed before my eyes.
The devastating water of events subsided and eventually died down. What's left is common of what all merciless tsunami would leave behind - Remnants.
Broken remnants. Left over of something that used to be wholeness.
Wholeness of something so cherished, and so cherished was it I innocently believed nothing would break it. That was all I sincerely hoped for.
Devastated...
Many months has since passed, and short as that word "months" seemed, to me, it has been a taste of what eternity might be like in a negative point of view.
Actually, crap that! I realized I could just rephrase the whole paragraph in one simple word - Hell.
You know, really... From the bottom of my heart, I hope I can start everything afresh. I hope there's a time machine.
I don't even wish to meet people of the past. Let them be ghosts of my faraway memories.
Much as I had believed it, more so that I hate to admit, I know God has meant it for other things...
What the tsunami could never wash away was the land. The foundation of which I've built my life upon. The most important thing I have now...
Him.
Months like decades has passed...
Revisiting that barren and forsaken land, shoots and seedlings has grown. Grown upon the nourishment of tears. Guided towards the direction of rays of light.
Now, there ain't no bitterness. No resentment.
Probably nothing at all...
What has been forcefully shatter can never be restored, and with the scar, one has to continue to live on.
I will never blame God or be hateful to Him. Till now, I never have. I've complained. I've wondered why He would allow such things to happen. I did what all people would do, but I trust in Him.
It's no more Hell anymore. Instead almost daily, even subconsciously, there's a reckoning, seemingly telling me "He'll... He'll...
I'm hopeful for what lies ahead, and I know, a brighter future is ahead. It will be restored.
Yes, He will...
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